Change Your Mind, Change Your Life?
When you get ready in the morning, how often do you eat something different or wear something new you weren’t planning on wearing or eating when you went to bed the night before?
With over 30,000 decisions, on average, to make each day, how often do you change your mind? Chances are it happens more often than you think. Especially, if we think they are little or inconsequential decisions.
When it comes to larger decisions, we may take longer to decide or even agonize over them. Buying a home, starting a new business, or deciding who we want to spend the rest of our lives with. Yet, we still make many decisions and even change our minds more than once along the way.
We literally change our minds with great regularity, and with many things or situations. Then, why is there a belief that changing our mind is a sign of weakness instead of strength?
From a political standpoint, many leaders will state their views and “ride or die” with them. Is this because they believe so strongly in their opinions or because it’s what they think their constituents want? When governments, organizations, or businesses make policies, why is it often so hard to change? The people who are leading in each of these circumstances have their own opinions and they may also consult with a board or committee to find consensus on decisions. If they always agree and never change their minds, nothing will really change. Even if a policy or law isn’t logical or is outdated, it may still remain in effect while they remain in power. Side note: This is why diversity and term limitations are so important and essential to creating systemic change.
How firm are the opinions and views we hold? Pretty firm, especially, when it comes to the views and opinions we hold to keep us grounded in a world of perpetual change and perceived chaos.
What happens when we have a life experience that causes us to reassess them? For example, we may have a fear or prejudice with someone who is different from us in many ways but we are forced to work closely with them over a period of time. During that time, we get to know each other and share our life experiences. We begin to see our similarities and appreciate our differences. This experience causes us to change our beliefs about them and opens our heart to acceptance of them, and others who are similar.
Personally, I had an experience with my spouse. Her life became at risk due to an unforeseen health condition, which unexpectedly caused me to reevaluate and reconsider my views in many areas. I started to prioritize what was most important and many of the things I felt certain about became less so. I became humbled and less judgmental. I began to appreciate more of the little things in life and became open to new people and experiences. As a result, we both grew and realized how we saw the world, and what we believed, could change quickly.
We were also somewhat fearful of changing our beliefs and opinions because of the effect it would have on our close relationships, along with members of our community. This fear is also a huge factor in changing our way of thinking. We fear exclusion on some level. As humans, and social creatures, this could spell a form of death (or literal death when we lived in caves)!
The truth is: We base our beliefs and opinions on our interpretations of our reality and experiences. The emotions we feel and the people we are surrounded by also help us root more strongly into these opinions. So how do we foster a more healthy belief in society that changing your mind is a good thing and not a personal flaw of some kind?
Here’s some thoughts when it comes to changing our minds, or somebody else’s:
- Foster the belief that change leads to creativity, creativity leads to innovation, innovation leads to growth and discovery
- Create an environment where others can feel safe and share a variety of ideas
- Be transparent with your beliefs explore where they came from and why you have them
- Focus on meeting people where they’re at when you have a conversation
- Recognize listening and understanding are essential, but aren’t the same as agreeing
- Acknowledge their humanity and explore areas where you agree with the other person
- Cancel the goal of changing their mind or getting them to agree and see it your way
- See how your beliefs and views may have changed in different ways throughout your life
- Understand we are all still learning and doing the best with the information we have
We change our minds about little things all the time. It’s part of our human experience of making choices and seeing the result of those choices. The big things we feel so strongly about may appear to cause us more pain and suffering, if we were to change our minds about them. But, think about it. If you believe you are right, you will shift your perception to support this and focus on information that supports your belief — confirmation bias.
We want to support our beliefs and see them as right because it feels good to be right, and if there’s a right, there must be a wrong. Is that true? Is it possible to have alternative choices which can also feel good? I know. You made up your mind and good luck with me changing it, right?